I fear my life

Sometimes, I do feel this way...

When I feel like there is no way I can escape from every trouble in my life...

It's like a vivacious circle...

It goes around the same places, over and over again, and I am still here, bitching about my life...

I can't get myself outta here...

I need to... I really have to... But I just can't find a way...

And there will never be a way...

Forever... Even if I try it million times, in million years, never gonna happen...




And that is why I really miss my childhood memories...

I miss them that sometimes they bring me to tears...

I miss my life... Back then...

When I was still a little kid...

I don't even remember how small I am, but I guess I'm pretty small, despite the tall body which I have right now...

I miss everything...

When I had no fear in my life...

When I went to sleep and just completely wondering to myself that tomorrow will be a lot better day than today...

When I woke up in the morning and saw the sun shone so brightly through the window...

When I knew that I had so many people around me just to cheer me up...

When I didn't have to put up with so many obstacles in my life...

When I had nothing to carry on my shoulders, that it felt like so light and free, perhaps I could fly without wings...

When I knew that everyone was so worried about me just as I started to cry...

When I knew that I had a tremendous fun in my life...

When everything that I saw in my life was wonderful, full of color, and I just couldn't wait to feel my life...

When I knew that my mom would pick me to McD, and bought me some toys there...

When I fought with my friends, and we had to shack hands to show that we felt sorry about it (haha this kinda funny)...

When I turned on my television in the evening and watched my favorite cartoon show... (scoobydoo, power rangers, sailormoon, I JUST LOVE THEM!)

When I sat at the backyard in the evening and saw the beautiful sky in orange, with those birds flying in the sky, and the tiny sound of motorcycles and other vehicles passing around from a distance...

When I used to shout "Ice cream! Ice cream!" and clapping my hands just as the ice cream seller passed by my house...

When I couldn't go to sleep without my mother laying on the same bed with me...

When my mother used to sing for me to make me fell asleep and especially when she rubbed my head...

When I found that standing on a very big, flat land with winds blowing through my hair was actually a really pleasant feeling...

There are just so many other things that I miss from my childhood life and they are just too wonderful to forget...

***

What about my life now?

I can't even put my fingers upon it...

I don't know what to say...

But I guess this word would describe everything...

FEAR...

And the worst one...

Fear of loneliness...

But I still feel like I can put up with them...

You know why?

'Cause I have friends...

And that's what friends are for... :)

I LOVE YOU ALL, MY FRIENDS!